It was the 1970s and there were only four people on planet Earth. Today there are easily twenty.
HOW TO ACCOUNT FOR THIS MASSIVE POPULATION GROWTH?
That is professional basketball coach Larry Brown in the 1970s. And he’s wearing FUCKING OVERALLS!
In his recent autobiography, “LARRY BROWN: THIS FUCKING HAPPENED,” Brown discusses his style:
“It was like not a lot of people around. Like four. Four people. So you didn’t care as much. Who cares what four people think? I’ll wear the overalls. Fuck ‘em.”
BUT TIMES CHANGED.
“I started wearing sweaters. Big sexy sweaters. It wasn’t a good time for me.”
“I had trouble signing my name. I used to write “X” a lot. There were now seven people on the planet. Maybe eight. It wasn’t okay to be as expressive.”
“And honestly, I got tired of holding my arms up all the time. I was constantly holding my arms up and doing like three fingers or two fingers. Or in the sweater picture I was doing ten fingers. That’s like two full hands. In the air. I wasn’t built for that. I had to let go.”
UNFORTUNATELY FOR PLANET EARTH, IT WAS TOO FUCKING LATE. THE OVERALLS MADE OTHER PEOPLE BE BORN AND NOW THERE’S TWENTY FUCKING PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO TOO MUCH GOVERNMENT KEEP ‘EM OUT WHERE’S THE FENCE AW HELL MONTANA.
“Today,” says Brown, “I don’t like to have looking like anything. I like just blending into the region. Twenty people? Get the fuck out of here. I can’t keep track of their opinions. The basketball team’s gonna win. GO IN THE HOOP! EASY!!!”
When asked what he can if it did, Brown replied, “I like sitting in my car and pretending to drive but not actually driving.”
ON THIS GREAT DAY, MAY 13, 2013, DOTSON SALUTES 1970S LARRY BROWN FOR WEARING OVERALLS, FOR CAUSING THE WORLD POPULATION GROWTH TO QUADRUPLE, FOR HOLDING HIS ARMS UP, FOR HAVING THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY THAT EVERYONE WILL BE TALKING ABOUT AT THE FOUNTAIN, FOR NOT LOOKING LIKE ANYTHING AND FOR PRETENDING TO DRIVE WITH NO INTENTION OF DRIVING. THE GREAT AMERICAN COOK-OUT.